Go out into the world

In Jesus' ministry, he often used the image of taking up your cross to follow him into the world. This meant leaving behind family, jobs, material possessions, dreams, goals for life. In the seminary class I'm taking, we explored this theme a couple weeks ago. I struggle to know how to introduce what I'm doing here in Guatemala, like I might have mentioned before, and looking into the idea of taking up my cross and following Jesus into the world helped with that a bit. In some ways I've done that coming to Guatemala, and yet there are so many safety nets that I cling to in being here. I have a host family I already knew, a language I was relatively comfortable with, friends to return to, and Skype which easily keeps me in contact with the people I love. So am I really picking up my cross to follow Jesus? I didn't sell anything, I left behind a room full or material possessions that I know are waiting for me, I have a monthly stipend which lets me be more "material" than I would need to be in Guatemala. I have money to buy snacks at school, money to buy sweaters when it gets cold, money to go see a movie with the family, money to buy ingredients to bake brownies and pretzels. And yet it seems my host family is barely scraping by. Can it be counted as taking up my cross when I live/have the ability to live above the economic level of my host family?

This past week we were asked to compile a list of the ways we were blessed or blessing others because we had followed God's call out into the world. My first few things I wrote down were things that I call blessings on a daily basis. Things like talks with a friend, time to reflect on difficult situations, the ability to safely take the bus, etc. Things that, when I was honest with myself, could happen in my home in Virginia too. Therefore... I wasn't following the instructions. So I erased most of what I was written, and started over. It felt good to be looking out for God's blessings in my daily life, even if only for a week. I am so blessed. After a week, looking over a list that might mean little to others, I am overwhelmed with what God has been doing for me. I hesitate to share the list, because somehow it seems sacred to my seminary class...but here are some of the things that I considered blessings to me this past week. On 3 of the 4 buses I took total in one day, I saw 3 people I knew. I'm used to not seeing anyone, ever, anywhere...so to have the comforting presence of being known, and knowing others was a big things for me. To be able to have conversations, and share with these people is a blessing. Another blessing from this past week was a late night pillow talk with my host sister. Living with a host family, there are certainly challenges. I often don't talk about those challenges, and smooth things over saying that I love my host family, which I do, but that doesn't mean there aren't difficulties associated with living here. One night, when the other host sister was sleeping in the other room, I was able to be pretty open and honest with Lorenita. She helped me to understand some underlying cultural differences that I hadn't been able to identify, and was also able to be honest with me about some things I do that don't go over super well with the family, again because of cultural differences.

In the Bible, the story we've been following is of Abraham and Sarah. They too, picked up everything they had and followed God away from their home. In some ways, I'm so thankful my story is different than Abraham and Sarah. They had no idea where they were going. God just kept telling them where to go, they had no destination. They also faced many problems along the way. When they entered Egypt, Abraham denied his marriage with Sarah, claiming he was her brother. They faced severe famine. They were cross-cultural disciples journeying through  many different towns. And yet, they were also blessed by God throughout their journey. That is my prayer for this next year. That I will first and foremost be seeking to follow God throughout Guatemala. That even when I feel like my position is undefined, like my language is failing, like I'll never understand the culture, that I'll be reassured and trust that God has a plan for my journey, that he is guiding my every footstep and my relationships. I pray that God will continue with his blessings, and also allow me to be a blessing to others. That I may learn to take up my cross on a daily basis to follow him out into the world.

Where is God working in my life?

I realized the other day that I am quick to recognize God's blessings in my life, but slow to say that God is causing bad things to happen. Why is that? I realize that I want God to be a "good guy", not a "bad guy". A tropical depression is passing through Guatemala/Latin America currently, and causing a lot of destruction of property, deaths, and in general just a state of emergency. It's rained for almost 6 days now, the first four days were non-stop rain. It's no wonder that the streets turn into rivers, the rivers rise far higher than they should, bridges are wiped away, and umbrellas are the most common accessory that EVERYONE has in hand. I thank God for moments of quiet in my day, mornings when I can wake up later and spend time alone, friends who make me laugh and honestly share with me about their life, for brief periods without rain when I'm catching the bus, when the bus comes just as I arrive at the bus stop. Is it wrong for me to be so thankful for these little things, and then want to avoid addressing tropical storms, death, migration problems?

Let me back up a little bit. The reason that this has been on my mind especially is because of Migration problems I am having. I apparently didn't leave Guatemala two years ago, or last year, nor did I enter this year, and now I have to prove that I went to El Salvador for two days a few weeks ago as well. I have a fine of a couple hundred dollars. I can't leave the country, and yet my visa expires a week from today so something has to be done. Thankfully I found all this out about 3 weeks ago and have been frantically gathering information since then to take my case to Migration to be attended to. I will hopefully pick up my last paper today, providing that I left two years ago with TACA, and then we will take my things into migration tomorrow to continue with the process, and attempt to apply for a visa extension as well. This has been extremely frustrating at times, yet humbling as I realize that so many Latin Americans have to face similar situations in the US, but a lot worse. I'm lucky to have people in SEMILLA working with me, a host dad who will drive me around when I need to run errands to gather information, and a relatively high level of Spanish. When I was being told about this at the El Salvador border (and quite frustrated I must add) with a legal vocabulary I wasn't familiar with, I felt like my Spanish was failing me. I understood the gist, but there were words I didn't understand. Is it okay to ask in those situations? I did. I should use the usted form with the man talking with me. I didn't. I asked to have someone from SEMILLA come in to help me navigate the situation, he responded saying "Your Spanish is good enough".

When I finally got home and told my family what had happened, they reminded me that God has a reason for causing this to happen to me. Okay...fine, maybe I need to learn to be patient, maybe I needed a reality check with my attitude in these situations, but God caused this to happen? That's not my thinking, because as I said, I avoid placing God in the unfortunate experiences of life. For me, it seems like sometimes "life" just kind of happens. I mean we have free will, so that has to fit into these things somehow. I'm not sure what to say after that... only that I obviously haven't come to any personal conclusions.

Other highlights from my last few weeks since I've written:
-school ending last Thursday
-preparing for November remedial classes with small class sizes
-many laughter filled supper conversations with my host family...usually making fun of me...or laughing at me after I fell backwards when a chair collapsed :)
-crayon art with my host sisters
-my friends in Guatemala City, both American and Guatemalan, Ana Cristina, Ninoshka, Lucky, Henry, Lucy and Rachel
-English conversation times with a SEMILLA worker, Andrea
-making chocolate rice krispies and french toast in one evening
-The Mennonite church 2 year anniversary celebrated with a delicious meal on Friday night
-feeling much better after quite a while of having stomach/intestine problems