Go out into the world

In Jesus' ministry, he often used the image of taking up your cross to follow him into the world. This meant leaving behind family, jobs, material possessions, dreams, goals for life. In the seminary class I'm taking, we explored this theme a couple weeks ago. I struggle to know how to introduce what I'm doing here in Guatemala, like I might have mentioned before, and looking into the idea of taking up my cross and following Jesus into the world helped with that a bit. In some ways I've done that coming to Guatemala, and yet there are so many safety nets that I cling to in being here. I have a host family I already knew, a language I was relatively comfortable with, friends to return to, and Skype which easily keeps me in contact with the people I love. So am I really picking up my cross to follow Jesus? I didn't sell anything, I left behind a room full or material possessions that I know are waiting for me, I have a monthly stipend which lets me be more "material" than I would need to be in Guatemala. I have money to buy snacks at school, money to buy sweaters when it gets cold, money to go see a movie with the family, money to buy ingredients to bake brownies and pretzels. And yet it seems my host family is barely scraping by. Can it be counted as taking up my cross when I live/have the ability to live above the economic level of my host family?

This past week we were asked to compile a list of the ways we were blessed or blessing others because we had followed God's call out into the world. My first few things I wrote down were things that I call blessings on a daily basis. Things like talks with a friend, time to reflect on difficult situations, the ability to safely take the bus, etc. Things that, when I was honest with myself, could happen in my home in Virginia too. Therefore... I wasn't following the instructions. So I erased most of what I was written, and started over. It felt good to be looking out for God's blessings in my daily life, even if only for a week. I am so blessed. After a week, looking over a list that might mean little to others, I am overwhelmed with what God has been doing for me. I hesitate to share the list, because somehow it seems sacred to my seminary class...but here are some of the things that I considered blessings to me this past week. On 3 of the 4 buses I took total in one day, I saw 3 people I knew. I'm used to not seeing anyone, ever, anywhere...so to have the comforting presence of being known, and knowing others was a big things for me. To be able to have conversations, and share with these people is a blessing. Another blessing from this past week was a late night pillow talk with my host sister. Living with a host family, there are certainly challenges. I often don't talk about those challenges, and smooth things over saying that I love my host family, which I do, but that doesn't mean there aren't difficulties associated with living here. One night, when the other host sister was sleeping in the other room, I was able to be pretty open and honest with Lorenita. She helped me to understand some underlying cultural differences that I hadn't been able to identify, and was also able to be honest with me about some things I do that don't go over super well with the family, again because of cultural differences.

In the Bible, the story we've been following is of Abraham and Sarah. They too, picked up everything they had and followed God away from their home. In some ways, I'm so thankful my story is different than Abraham and Sarah. They had no idea where they were going. God just kept telling them where to go, they had no destination. They also faced many problems along the way. When they entered Egypt, Abraham denied his marriage with Sarah, claiming he was her brother. They faced severe famine. They were cross-cultural disciples journeying through  many different towns. And yet, they were also blessed by God throughout their journey. That is my prayer for this next year. That I will first and foremost be seeking to follow God throughout Guatemala. That even when I feel like my position is undefined, like my language is failing, like I'll never understand the culture, that I'll be reassured and trust that God has a plan for my journey, that he is guiding my every footstep and my relationships. I pray that God will continue with his blessings, and also allow me to be a blessing to others. That I may learn to take up my cross on a daily basis to follow him out into the world.

Where is God working in my life?

I realized the other day that I am quick to recognize God's blessings in my life, but slow to say that God is causing bad things to happen. Why is that? I realize that I want God to be a "good guy", not a "bad guy". A tropical depression is passing through Guatemala/Latin America currently, and causing a lot of destruction of property, deaths, and in general just a state of emergency. It's rained for almost 6 days now, the first four days were non-stop rain. It's no wonder that the streets turn into rivers, the rivers rise far higher than they should, bridges are wiped away, and umbrellas are the most common accessory that EVERYONE has in hand. I thank God for moments of quiet in my day, mornings when I can wake up later and spend time alone, friends who make me laugh and honestly share with me about their life, for brief periods without rain when I'm catching the bus, when the bus comes just as I arrive at the bus stop. Is it wrong for me to be so thankful for these little things, and then want to avoid addressing tropical storms, death, migration problems?

Let me back up a little bit. The reason that this has been on my mind especially is because of Migration problems I am having. I apparently didn't leave Guatemala two years ago, or last year, nor did I enter this year, and now I have to prove that I went to El Salvador for two days a few weeks ago as well. I have a fine of a couple hundred dollars. I can't leave the country, and yet my visa expires a week from today so something has to be done. Thankfully I found all this out about 3 weeks ago and have been frantically gathering information since then to take my case to Migration to be attended to. I will hopefully pick up my last paper today, providing that I left two years ago with TACA, and then we will take my things into migration tomorrow to continue with the process, and attempt to apply for a visa extension as well. This has been extremely frustrating at times, yet humbling as I realize that so many Latin Americans have to face similar situations in the US, but a lot worse. I'm lucky to have people in SEMILLA working with me, a host dad who will drive me around when I need to run errands to gather information, and a relatively high level of Spanish. When I was being told about this at the El Salvador border (and quite frustrated I must add) with a legal vocabulary I wasn't familiar with, I felt like my Spanish was failing me. I understood the gist, but there were words I didn't understand. Is it okay to ask in those situations? I did. I should use the usted form with the man talking with me. I didn't. I asked to have someone from SEMILLA come in to help me navigate the situation, he responded saying "Your Spanish is good enough".

When I finally got home and told my family what had happened, they reminded me that God has a reason for causing this to happen to me. Okay...fine, maybe I need to learn to be patient, maybe I needed a reality check with my attitude in these situations, but God caused this to happen? That's not my thinking, because as I said, I avoid placing God in the unfortunate experiences of life. For me, it seems like sometimes "life" just kind of happens. I mean we have free will, so that has to fit into these things somehow. I'm not sure what to say after that... only that I obviously haven't come to any personal conclusions.

Other highlights from my last few weeks since I've written:
-school ending last Thursday
-preparing for November remedial classes with small class sizes
-many laughter filled supper conversations with my host family...usually making fun of me...or laughing at me after I fell backwards when a chair collapsed :)
-crayon art with my host sisters
-my friends in Guatemala City, both American and Guatemalan, Ana Cristina, Ninoshka, Lucky, Henry, Lucy and Rachel
-English conversation times with a SEMILLA worker, Andrea
-making chocolate rice krispies and french toast in one evening
-The Mennonite church 2 year anniversary celebrated with a delicious meal on Friday night
-feeling much better after quite a while of having stomach/intestine problems

What is a Mennonite?

What is a Mennonite? What do we believe? Where did our faith come from? How are my beliefs as a Mennonite different than my host family's beliefs as Guatemalan Evangelicals? This last week during our evening devotions, these questions began to surface. I attended a small Mennonite church last week for the first time, and loved it. The service is different than Park View Mennonite, but it's also similar. The small community of faith was refreshing after having attended the mega church for over a month. The knowledge that these people have a faith similar to mine was encouraging and inspiring. The message was aimed at me, as a Mennonite. I never thought I was that rooted in being Mennonite, especially in a different culture.

These questions came as we sat down for devotions after supper. Before we had even opened the Bible we had started a discussion about faith, and the importance of keeping our focus on God's will instead of on the material things of the world. My host sister had just found out that she hadn't passed her exams to get into the medical department at the university, but she has another chance in October. We tried to encourage her saying that we believe if she studies again for these next exams, she'll be successful in her studies and will enter the medical department. But what if... what if she doesn't. Does it really matter? Is it then God's will and direction for her not to enter even though it has been her dream for years to become a doctor? Perhaps. But more importantly, this event is not the deciding factor in her spiritual journey and salvation. More important than entering into the medical field is our faith, our beliefs, our actions as children of God. After mostly listening to this conversation, Adan, the dad, asked if I agreed. Of course, I said. But it's much harder to say and believe that when you're in the middle of those decisions than for us to say them to her when we aren't struggling with those choices right now.

Then we came to the Mennonites. Why is it important for me to go to a Mennonite church in Guatemala? Well... I miss community. Oh yes, said Adan, I know community is really important for Mennonites. What else is different? What else do you believe? Who are the people that wear the cape dresses and bonnets? Horse and buggy, you say, what's that? Amish... Conservative Mennonites...Liberals...me...confusion. From my few minutes of talking about my personal faith, they decided I needed to educate them on Mennonites. My first reaction...no. I can't explain Mennonites, and I don't want to be their stereotype of a Mennonite. I'm far from perfect as a Mennonite, Christian, and human being. I'll make mistakes, then they'll think that all Mennonites are like that. No, they reassured me, we know you're human. We just want to know about your faith, so maybe we can understand you better, and what you need for your spiritual growth. Fine. I can do that. But give me two weeks to prepare!!! A date was set, October 4th I believe, I'm going to educate my family about Mennonites. But really, that means I need to educate myself about Mennonites! I'm already reading Naked Anabaptist, and I hope to finish before then as I believe it will help me express my own beliefs. And I went onto the Third Way Cafe website to look at how they describe Mennonites.

But really, the reason for this post is to ask for help. Many of you reading this are Mennonite, and I'd appreciate your responses. What does it mean to you to be Mennonite? What are the essential beliefs of Mennonites that are important to share with a Guatemalan family? What makes us different from other denominations? Any and all responses are appreciated :)

White and Blue

White a blue, the colors of the Guatemalan flag. The colors of independence, freedoms, democracy, patriotism. It's strange to experience patriotism in another country. They celebrated Independence Day on the 15th, yesterday, and I got to experience some of their celebrations. In the US if someone is super patriotic, I tend to be a little turned off, but here I embrace it and get excited for their independence day. What's the different? Perhaps it's the fact that Guatemala isn't known for wars, it's presidents, slavery, consumerism and wealth. Perhaps it's the fact that Guatemala feels like it deserves to celebrate amidst the difficult political time, violence, poverty. Don't get me wrong, Guatemala is not a sad place to live. In fact, I think maybe that's what brings me back here time after time. Amidst financial difficulty and violence, these people are kind, warm, loving, welcoming, faithful and hospitable. I am always welcomed into whatever place I find myself. There is always a drink or pan dulce to share, greetings to exchange, and stories to share. Guatemala, full of blessings and hospitality.

Along with this theme of patriotism, Guatemala successfully held elections on Sunday for mayors, congressmen and women, and president. I went with my host parents to the voting station where I actually saw the top presidential candidate come to vote. The elections are somewhat different here. Instead of few parties, they have many. There were 10 candidates for president alone. You can imagine how difficult it is to find a good candidate out of 10, and how much harder it is to get enough votes for that candidate. Out of the 10, the two that receive the highest votes then face another election (which will be November 6th) for the office of president. However, if one of the candidates receives 50% + 1 vote, he or she is then president. That didn't happen this time, so Guatemala will have elections in November between two candidates. The candidate that I would have supported did not make it into the top two, and of the people I have spoken with in Guatemala, it seems that of the top two, it'll be voting for the lesser of two evils. A little disappointing for a country that already struggles with much corruption and distrust in government. I am thankful that the country seemed to be relatively calm and peaceful the week leading up to and after the election. I can only pray that will continue through November.

Last week in school, we finished our first unit (of two) for this last quarter of classes. This meant a "short quiz" for the students, and some time to recoup and plan the next lessons for me. With the third grade class we celebrated by having a party. They had learned food words and party things as their vocabulary for the unit, so we decided to have a party. Each child brought in a different food, napkins, silverware, plates, etc. and we partied in style. We even had party hats and balloons! Ninoshka commented during the party that the kids seemed almost too excited to actually eat! When else were these kids going to be able to eat pizza, popcorn, jello, cake, ice cream and juice all in one sitting? It was a feast. I don't think they will ever forget.

The party with my 6 third graders and Ninoshka!

On Independence Day the family along with the uncle, aunt and grandma went to Tecpan, the city where the dad and his siblings were born and where the grandma had lived most of her life. We left the house around 7 and then it was an hour and a half drive.  When we got to the city, the grandma and aunt went to find the market, and we didn't see them again until we were leaving :) The rest of us went to find the parade. We ended up standing on a street corner with a lot of other people, and watched as the parade went by. There were lots of schools representing themselves with dances, gymnastics acts, marching bands, historical aspects of Guatemala, and strange dress up characters including Shrek and Fiona, a wolf and Sleepy from the seven dwarfs. We even had the pleasure of having four dogs fight right behind us, to the point where I was worried someone in the crowd was going to get hurt. Around lunch time we gathered food, then hopped back in the car to drive to the ruins of Iximche, the first capital city of Guatemala. It's a beautiful area, and it was a beautiful day to walk around the ruins, take pictures, and then eat a picnic lunch.

Part of the ruins of Iximche

Mitzye, Lorena, Lorenita, Julian and me

One thing that has been a struggle for the last week and a bit is that I have been fighting sickness. Last Monday night I started to feel not so great with symptoms of a fever, general fatigue, and no appetite. My family didn't exactly believe that there was anything really wrong with me, and Henry, the doctor, wasn't home to help my case. So when I finally started to have diarrhea, I told my symptoms to Henry, among others, and they said I probably had parasites. Henry gave me a medicine for parasites, and within a day and a half I was feeling much better. However, now a week later I have diarrhea again, but none of the other symptoms. I'll start another medicine today that's supposed to help my intestines heal after parasites, but not directly attack the parasites. If that doesn't work, I'll probably have to get a proper examine to see if the parasites are still there. I'd appreciate prayer, as I don't like being sick, especially here. It's hard to say I don't have an appetite when I'm not the one serving myself food, and they don't tend to pay much attention to my request for small amounts.

God Provides for His Children

Somehow the month of August has almost passed and September has crept up behind me. Time has flown, and yet it feels like I've been here longer than a month. One of the first exciting things that I have to report is that our family is now in our own house. We moved two weeks ago into a condensed one story house that has 3 bedrooms, a bathroom, kitchen, living room and dining room. It took a good day of hauling furniture from the Grandma's house to this one in the van. Lorenita and I waited on the other end after loading the van, cleaning the other house, gathering the next load of things, etc. so when we finally went to the house around 5 that day, it was transformed. What had been an empty, waiting place was suddenly full of all of our stuff, waiting to be organized. All of us were filled with excitement over the prospects of making this house our home, and over the last two weeks every day we organize something else. Slowly but surely, it is feeling more like a home, though walls are still empty, and I expect they will remain that way for quite a while. God blessed us with many "gifts" from other families and friends of the family. We were given the dining room table and chairs, a few pieces of furniture, a fridge...it's amazing what God provided and continues to provide.

My host dad, mom and sisters, Lorenita and Mitzye, beginning our organization of the family room and dining room.

The night before we moved, a pastor's family came over to the new house with the extended family of Adan to pray for the new house and our new lives here. It was an evening of tears, prayer and our first meal here. Tears because the family had really become accustomed to living with the grandma, aunt and uncle in the other house, and as with all transitions, it's hard to say goodbye to what has become the norm. During the time of prayer we stood in a circle holding hands as many prayed at the same time, but eventually the woman pastor took over praying. She prayed for the house, for transitions, for saying goodbye to living with the grandma, aunt and uncle, for each of the rooms, etc. And then she started praying for a few individuals. When she came to me, I immediately tensed up. I had been told she has the reputation of being a prophetess, which isn’t something I’m necessarily comfortable with. She took my hands and said that I have a gift for healing children, and a ministry that God has given me, but that I haven’t discovered yet. She prayed for my ministry, for my knees and my eyesight, which will be a challenge, and then for my ministry in Guatemala. I didn’t know what to do with that. I still don’t really know what to do with that. I want to believe in miracles, but I usually don’t leave room for God to work through miracles. I want to be God’s hands as best I can, but do I believe that comes through me healing children? I don’t know. Plus, if I decide this is God’s call for me, where do I begin, how do I learn? Trust perhaps. 

Another significant piece of my time here has been my work at Thomas Alva Edison Colegio. Every day I teach 1st through 6th grade English classes. I have been doing that for 2 weeks now, and I love it. It's an adjustment getting used to the Guatemala cultural expectations in a classroom. For example, the students waltz into my classroom, more or less find their seats, and then begin to chat with each other, regardless of what I'm doing. When I try to call for attention, they may or may not respond. If I am explaining something, it is a given that someone will interrupt with a question, usually something that will be explained later if they would wait! They translate much of what I say in English, and don't have much respect for their teachers, or peers for that matter. My education experience has taught me to make my expectations clear, so that is something we've been working with, and it's working. I do a fair amount of "scolding" at times (that's what they call it...not how I view it!) individually and with whole grades. Slowly things are improving to at least be a bit more organized in the classroom. I am enjoying re-connecting with these dear students, and am blessed with their hugs, smiles, and words of affirmation on a daily basis. Many of my students have rough home lives, and that's been hard for me. I hear bits and pieces of their lives from my co-teacher, Ninoshka, or from the students themselves, and it makes my heart ache. 

First grader doing her Spelling word sort with consonant S and T

Another small addition to my life has been a little dog in our house. She is a mix of Rottweiler and bulldog, and I think she's adorable. Let me introduce Bella Mia. She is a month and a half old, and already I am her protector and friend. I know, I know, I hate dogs...but she's just a puppy still and she loves me! She follows me around, sits on my feet when I'm sitting down, and sits with me on the couch when I allow it. I probably am spoiling her, but I don't really care. She gives me lots of love, and that's what counts! She is currently curled at my feet, with her head draped over my high heeled shoes for church. It's love, what can I say? 

What can I say? She's beautiful :)

My prayer requests:

Thanksgivings
-new house
-reconnecting with friends and my host family
-teaching opportunity at the school

Concerns
-students at the school who have difficult home lives, which I believe affects their behavior and performance at school
-my host parent´s finances as the mom works 3 days a week in a school and they both do some catering on weekends
-continued patience and endurance as I learn Spanish, work out a new living situation, and work in two placements
-Guatemala as a country as they prepare for the elections that will take place on September 11th.

A la gran puchicas!

A la gran puchicas! A phrase used in every day speech, many conversations, and covers to many feelings and thoughts that I often can't put into words as quickly as I'd like to. I don't know how to translate it exactly other than it's something along the lines of oh my word. I use it when I'm upset, when I'm exasperated, frustrated, excited, irritated...basically all the time. It might have even replaced some of my eye rolling, believe it or not. It serves so many purposes.

This first week has been full of adjustment. Walking off the plane into Guatemala I had so many worries, nervousness, and excitement that I was literally shaking. I had a mainly boring plane ride, except for two interesting Guatemalan men who sat beside me and then proceeded to each have a beer. The younger of the two, a mere boy really of 19, was afraid they would card him when he ordered the drink, but no such luck. Let's just say, I pretended to sleep for most of the rest of the ride to avoid having to communicate with them. At the airport Rigoberto, from CASAS, picked me up and drove me to CASAS. It's amazing how different it feels coming back again this time. I thought some things would feel the same, but each time it's different. Walking into CASAS was comfortable, greeting people with a kiss on the cheek was natural, switching into Spanish mode didn't fry my brain, and I started my first afternoon with a field trip to the Forensic center where a group works to identify bodies that have been discovered, sometimes in mass graves, from the civil war in Guatemala. Already my first days are jumbled memories of foods, Spanish conversations, singing praise and worship songs with the Enlace group, going home with my host family, riding the bus, seeing the children at school, and settling in.

One of the most inspiring things I have experienced so far came in two parts on the first evening in Guatemala. A woman named Carmen came to talk to our group about the civil war and the effects that continue to affect Guatemala today. She's an expert on human rights and was inspiring to listen to. Human rights have more levels than I would have identified on my own ranging from our rights to equality to our duty to take care of the environment. In Guatemala many of these human rights are affected because the wealth of the country is in the hands of 4% of the population. Fertile lands are only 25% of all the land, belonging to only 15 families. The civil war started as an internal armed fight for civil rights/human rights initiated by the agricultural revolution. Today, many youth do not know what really happened during the years of the Civil War because so many are still too scared to speak. Guatemalans find it easier to forget than to face their years of struggle. Many people have been killed for uncovering events of the civil war. And yet there are still few like Carmen who are willing to fight for these human rights. She refuses to accept that forgiving means forgetting. Instead she would like to see Guatemala take on the form of forgiveness modeled by South Africa when forgiveness meant first confessing the wrong doings in order to be able to accept or offer forgiveness. So then the question is...is Guatemala seeing justice or revenge? Carmen's answer: depends on your point of view. Those being condemned believe it is revenge, the families of the deceased believe it is justice. Carmen urged the group to follow Jesus' example of serving and loving and to seek transformation as revolutionaries. She admitted that she has softened some of her words since having three children, yet she still fights. There have been threats against her and her family, still she fights.

I have established a schedule of going to Thomas Alva Edison Colegio in the mornings to teach English to 1st through 6th graders. The teacher, my friend Ninoshka, has low blood pressure and we decided that she would act more as a helper for these last two months of school and I will do the planning and the teaching. I'm glad it'll work out this way because it'll be a good experience for me, and also enables her to keep receiving the paycheck that is needed. I have missed these dear children, and though many of them suffer difficult home lives, I hope I can be a positive presence and a source of encouragement to them as a teacher and friend. In the afternoons I go to CASAS to do my work there. That part is still being explored, in terms of what I will be doing on a regular basis, so for now I have been typing things up, reviewing movies for the CASAS programs, and translating a few things as needed.

Another highlight of my time so far is my host family. Though I am teased with ceasing (and really it does get a little much at times) I do adore them and I believe they rather adore me as well. We move this weekend to a new house that they will be renting. It will be much better to just be the seven of us in our own space together. I'm thankful for that. I will introduce my family once I have some pictures to post!

Soul Care

As many of you will know by now, I am heading to Guatemala August 2nd to begin a year of service through Virginia Mennonite Mission's program, tranSend. I will again be in Guatemala City working at CASAS, a language school connected with the Anabaptist seminary on the same campus. My job description from Guatemala says I will be working with individuals and groups applying to come to CASAS to study Spanish and learn about the culture. It also has lines suggesting I will be setting up activities for these people in Guatemala City, and potentially translating for them when they arrive. I call myself conversationally fluent, when asked if I can speak Spanish. I anticipate lots of learning with Spanish, social justice issues of Guatemala, further cultural exploration, seeking a sense of connectedness with God as I am in unfamiliar church settings and forced flexibility as I learn what I will actually be doing at CASAS. I also hope to reconnect with the school where I helped teach English last summer, this time with a more defined role. The director of this school had not responded to my email earlier this summer, so I hope to visit in my first days in Guatemala City!

 Training started today, Thursday. Going into "training" through VMM I knew I was looking forward to being with Jess, Kaitlyn and Kristi, all EMU grads who were in the same program as I was. I also knew I was skeptical of what "training" would hold. Looking at the list of sessions that were going to be held over 6 days, I wasn't convinced that my needs were going to be met, or my questions were going to be answered. This morning we started off with introductions, and then jumped right into what they're calling "Soul Care" which is lead by a man from EMU's seminary. We dove into the scripture about Jesus being baptized in the Jordan by John the Baptist. The heaven's open up and God calls Jesus His beloved. Beloved. That's not a word I'm used to using, or hearing. We talked about how it's hard for some of us to be called God's beloved. I am a beloved child of God.... do I really believe that? Am I so special that God is paying attention to me? To my joys, my pains, my need to be loved by him and to be shown that he loves me no matter what? We also discussed significant thresh holds that we have crossed, and how we have or haven't felt God's presence throughout those crossings. I found myself reflecting on my experience moving from Ontario, which brought up some pain that I still haven't completely dealt with. I can already tell that this time of diving into scriptures and reflecting as a group will be my favorite part of the day, and the most needed part of the day. For that I am thankful.

 One last note before I call it a night. On Sunday I had a fundraiser meal and commissioning service at church. I knew the fundraiser meal would be amazing, as it was cooked by a dear friend of mine, Loly. She made a Guatemalan breakfast type meal and it was delicious. Platanos, huevos rancheros, chirmol, frijoles... mmmmm. My commissioning was done in the church service and as a part of that I received a prayer shawl from the Mennonite Women's group. It will be an item that I will take with me, and I see it being of great comfort to me through times of transition that lie ahead. I had so many people around me on Sunday who were encouraging me, affirming my call to Guatemala, offering their prayers, and helping to make everything run smoothly. I thank each person for their time and support on Sunday. It meant a great deal to me... I am blessed to have so many people around who are excited for me to go and who send me with their hearts and their blessings as my church community.